Being a man isn’t what it used to be. Today, the law is out to get us, women hate us, and football players can’t even tackle people anymore. We share your pain, which is why we’re counting down the worst things about being a guy.
10. Men’s bathrooms
Guys do their business standing up which, let’s face it, is awesome. I wouldn’t have it any other way. That being said, some dudes have to ruin it for the rest of us by using the opportunity to piss all over everything. Not to mention all the other gross shit that goes down in there.
Studies show that 75% of men’s public restrooms are literally hell on Earth. So fellas, do us all a favor and pay attention when you’re using the bathroom and keep your bodily fluids in the toilet. Flushing when you’re done wouldn’t hurt either.
9. Hairiness
Starting with puberty, men start growing hair any and everywhere. Armpits, balls, face, chest, back, nostrils, ears. Some have it worse than others but it can be a serious pain in the ass for all of us. Speaking of, what’s up with hairy butt cracks?
Most of the hair doesn’t even serve a real purpose (unless you’re a nudist) other than annoying the shit out of you and making us experts with a razor/scissors. Then, just when hair has started growing out of your nose and you’ve finally accepted your fate as a hairy beast, you go bald.
8. Going down with the ship
In the unlikely occurrence that your cruise ship goes under, you’ll be waiting in line for all of the women and children. This also applies to house fires, hostages situations, and numerous other life threatening situations. Because according to society, having a penis means you deserve to die.
7. Boners
There’s a reason we call assholes “dicks”. It’s because your dick is an asshole. He’s ready to rip through the front of your pants at the most embarrassing times, yet can be completely useless when you really need him. I once pitched a tent big enough to sleep a family of four while giving a presentation in science class.
Not to mention all the terrible life decisions I’ve made listening to my erection.
6. Purses
This one may be confusing because you associate purses with all the dumb shit women carry around in them. Think outside of the box. Having a bag on you at all times means never going without a football, beef jerky on demand, and not losing your sunglasses.
You can probably sneak some stuff into your girlfriend’s purse when she’s not looking but good luck because it’s already filled to the brim with tampons. European men said fuck that and made their own bags but it still hasn’t quite caught on over here in the US, unfortunately.
5. Paying for your own drinks
Imagine if you could go out on a given night and drink for free. Amazing, right? It’s called being a woman. Just wear as little clothing as possible and men will go out of their way to spend money on you. You don’t even have to talk to them half the time.
This also includes food, jewelry, clothes, bills, cars, vacations, and pretty much anything else you could dream of. If a girl’s hot enough, she could go her entire life without paying for anything.
4. Getting punched in the face
Remember all the times you’ve seen a woman get a right hook to the cranium. Take your time, I’ll wait…….
*crickets*
……
What’s that? You say you’ve never seen it happen? That’s because it very rarely does.
A chick can be the biggest bitch possible and still never get clocked. Meanwhile, guys get laid out all the time, even when minding their own business. Sometimes, you have no choice but to fight. If you’re an asshole, it’s almost guaranteed.
3. Zippers
Yes, zippers. Your archnemesis. The most dangerous piece of clothing a man has ever seen.
You’re watching the game and having a couple beers with your boys. There’s a break in the action and you run off to take a leak. As you’re finishing up, they start going crazy in the living room. What’s happening!? You rush to zip—HOLY SHIT!
Best case scenario: Excruciating pain, blood, tears, mental and emotional trauma
Worst case scenario: Emergency room
What kind of sick bastard decided to put sharp metal teeth so close to your johnson? But it’s not just zippers. Baseballs to the groin, kicks to the nuts, that top bar on your bike. The world is like one big minefield of dick injuries.
2. Helping people move
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s moving furniture. If you know any women whatsoever you’ve probably been asked to help them move at least once or twice. Other guys will hit you up from time to time but at least they can return the favor. Dudes who own a pickup truck might as well start a moving company so you can at least get paid for the constant harassment you’ll receive.
However, there is a secret technique I have developed and tested for getting out of this. Find the most expensive thing in their house and drop it down a flight of stairs. Problem solved.
1. Listening to women nag
It all starts with your mother: ‘Clean your room’, ‘eat your vegetables’. Pretty soon, you get your first high school girlfriend: ‘Did you just look at her butt’, ‘you never pay attention to meeee’. Eventually, you get married and now, like some cruel joke, your wife nags you about your mother’s nagging. It’s like the “Inception” of complaining. You don’t even care if the drapes match the fucking carpet, you just want to drink beer and play Call of Duty.
See also: the silent treatment; feet stomping; slamming doors
There you have it. The plight of modern man. It’s hard out here for a pimp.
With that said, we still love being men. Stay tuned for our next article celebrating the glory of manhood with 10 Reasons Being a Guy is Awesome!
The Top 17 Advantages of Lasting Longer in Bed with PC Muscle Exercises
I was hoping to find a list that was equal to womens 1. Being raped or sexually assaulted, your body is not just yours, wheeee!! 2. Making less than your male counterpart doing the same job, women are supposed to be home duh! 3. Being judged on your looks your entire life (even if you never had them) effing ay we are always compared to Kim Kardashian…uhh some of us look like “gym teachers”, are we less of women? 4. Staying home or not staying home with your family (either way you suck) 5. Your opinion is filtered with a “you have a vagina” screen. “Why am I listening to this nagging person?” Yay for the word nag…if “nag” applies to women “incommunicative” applies to men 5. Men and women equally feel its not ‘your place’….whenever you are placing yourself in a leadership role 6. Rugged good looks are only okay for guys, hard lines on women are reasons to discredit “shes a hag”. 7. You will always do more work with less credit…imagine working really hard to get something back in tip top shape but no one notices because it was ‘supposed to look like that’ that is being a woman…but Ill stop because this isnt every womans experience and I know this isnt the best list on why being a man sucks either. Wait 8. You bleed every month and some wrythe in pain…but no one cares. 9. Once again being compared to Kim Kardashian or Beyonce as if thats what Im aspiring to. And I read on one of these lists that men dont get sympathy…if Im sick no one cares or cleans the house. Im the “mom” as the wife and aparently its my role to be sympathetic, always. Look up “man cold” on youtube…thats every wives experience. Also Im a woman and have been punched in the face by a man.
You want some cheese with that whine? Tell us how you really feel?
I hate how everyone thinks of women as bitches and sluts. We aren’t all like that. I’m not a feminist by the way. I’m just really fucking angry with how I get treated for being female. We’re all seen as weak and annoying. Well guess what… You wouldn’t exist without us. And you don’t have to go through the pain of giving birth or periods. We have to bleed from our vaginas for a whole week! And have you seen how much tampons and pads cost? Trust me, being a woman sucks, pal. And do yourself a favor by maybe…NOT going around saying that your life is so terrible?
The term bitches and sluts are arbitrary and only applies to a perceiving entities (whether male or female themselves). Not every female is a bitch/slut, but then again, you communicate with more than just verbal communication. Most women forget they communicate via body language too. The interesting thing is that 90% of the bitch/whore/slut comments are coming from other women, not men. The irony is that women are more opinionated about other women than men are, but the only reason you care if a man considers a female a bitch/cunt/whore/slut is because you’re trying to make men validate their opinions for your approval. If any man seeks your approval just so he can convey an opinion that doesn’t “offend,” then that man is trying to kiss your ass. Men do not need permission from women to convey an opinion.
Excellent! Well written TheSavage!
Oh, and by the way… I’m a woman, and I’ve been into a fist fight before. And it was a fist fight with a man. Women can fight too, y’know.
This, my friend, is why women hate us.
Yeah, I can relate. Women always blame men for peeing on the toilet seat, yet they have no idea what the struggle is to keep your pee-hole from shooting far off to the left field (even if you’re pointing at directly the center). I’ve had this happen to me plenty of times, I woke up and pointed directly at the center, but for some odd reason, my pee shot to the far left. It shot so far, it hit the wall, as if the penis had a mind of its own. This brings me to the conclusion that not all penises are created straight, and since the penis hole can temporarily seal creating pressure when you unload your bladder, it can spout off to the far left or right even if you’re pointing directly at the center of the toilet (women will never understand). If the organic spout made of cells get sticky and stick together and a high pressure pee is coming and releases all at once, then it doesn’t matter if you’re pointing directly at the center it can shoot in any direction with the exception of your intended target. I’ll never regret being a born a man, though. It’s great to not care about what female strangers think. Indifference, a gift given from God to keep men from worrying about women and their “feelings.”
I’m a 28 year old good looking guy who always tries his best but is always being judge and used for my money and still single. I started working construction since I was 7 so I ask do you know this feeling of slavery?
Truer words were never spoken!
I think both sexes have the good and the bad side. The women and children first thing in sinking ships sucks, it should be children first. Being a women sucks because in our society and in many other cultures being female means your inferior, this sucks. Being a man means your superior, you have no way to be “weak” as man, as woman you may not be “strong”. Both these roles do harm, to the individual person who just is the way he/she/it is. We should stop defining us by our genitals and give the person with the individual character the preference.